Special (?) Delivery

Like many parents, I don’t often get to sleep in when my children are home. They’re not babies, but one of them is still a morning person, and likes to pop into my room first thing to tell me what she plans to do with her day. But Fridays can be different. My husband doesn’t work on Fridays, but he’s used to getting up early, so he holds down the fort. He makes breakfast, keeps the kid(s) entertained and allows me to rise at an hour more befitting my night owl tendencies. But he also brings in the mail.

Normally, this is not a problem. As a mostly freelancing writer/editor/researcher, I live for the delivery of checks from various clients. Invoicing is easy, but waiting six weeks to get paid? That’s tough. Knowing this, my husband puts the mail in our room, so I can look for checks as soon as I’m up. But this time, it was different.

I was sound asleep, until I heard a woman’s voice talking in my room. Loudly. I looked around, and didn’t see anyone. The windows were closed because it was already hot enough for air conditioning. I called to my husband, “Who is that?!” He dashed into the room.

Was I going crazy? No. (OK, maybe, but he could hear it too.)

Was it a computer? No.

An iPod run amok? No.

A loud car radio in front of the house? No.

What was it?

Talking mail.

The card contained a battery and circuitry to make it talk, and it was set to loop the same cheery radio-voice over and over and over. I know this not because I looked at it; I was too tired and adrenaline-fueled for that. But the rest of the geeks dissected it so they could (a) get it to stop talking and (b) see how it worked. (Or vice-versa.)

I really hope this isn’t a trend. Maybe the in-real-life “You’ve got mail!” approach works for some people, but I can’t imagine I’m alone in my feelings on this: I automatically shun anything that blares uncontrollable sounds at me. It doesn't matter what it is: a Web site, a proselytizer or an envelope with a coupon for free breakfast cereal (a brand of which we never buy anyway.) Annoying the heck out of me is not going to close the sale, whether the product is a staple, salvation or Snap, Crackle and Pop.